It’s 4:20 am and I just walked my Husband to his car. As he starts the car to leave to catch his vanpool, I start crying. “I can’t lose my baby!” No, I’m not pregnant…I’m referring to my 17-year-old Daughter. She is a Junior in High School, and this is the dreaded week of finals. We discussed finals, what her plans are for the second semester, SATs/ACTs, and college classes yesterday while I was preparing dinner.
The more we talk about school, the more I realize this time next year she will be a senior. The more I realize she will be a senior, the more I realize she may be leaving to go off to college. You see, she is our only child. My miracle baby of sorts. I suffered from endometriosis from a very young age, having my first laparoscopic surgery at 19. I was told that I may never be able to have children. I got married at 25 and got pregnant with her at 26. Eventually, my endometriosis got increasingly worse, and I had a total hysterectomy at the age of 29.
I have never once taken for granted my role as a Mom. I relished this gift from God, and I’m so blessed to have been chosen to be her Mom. She has been my little shadow for so many years. I have always supported her and gave motherhood my all. Now, with the fact that she is growing into this beautiful, smart, and determined young woman, I am proud, but also sad. Does that make any sense??
To be completely honest, (this is something that I tried to tell my husband between my sobs of tears) I know Aryn will be ok. She is just as scared as I am with all of the changes that are coming at us in full force. Just as much as I don’t want to see her go, she doesn’t want to leave. It’s so hard for me, because, I’m trying to be strong, and encouraging, all the while screaming inside.
My Daughter is my hero. She has accomplished more in 17 years, than I have in 43. She has a 3.89 GPA, joined 5 clubs at school, and drives now. She made Varsity Cheer as a Freshman and Sophomore. She wants to be a Nurse, or Doctor and is excited at that prospect (Thank You Grey’s Anatomy). She’s got a bright future ahead of her, and for that, I’m truly happy and proud. I know we will both be okay, it’s just the uncertainty of it all. These days, I stare at her a little longer, hold her a little tighter, and laugh with her a little louder.
Maybe it’s all the cold medicine I’ve been taking this week, and the fact that I have been up since 3:18am, or maybe I’m just an emotional basket case. Or simply, I’m just a Middle Years Mom who is realizing that no matter what I try to do, I can’t stop time, and I need to put on my big girl pants and look forward to these years to come!
How do/did you all handle this rollercoaster ride? More wine?
If you have advice, I’m all ears!!!
Until next time……Crystal
I cherish my time with my kids & love looking back at pictures with them! We are blessed mamas, for sure!
You must be proud of your daughter. Time might be going a bit too fast but she will make you prouder with each coming year.
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Thank you for the kind words!
Thank you for the support!!!
Hang in there! Sounds like you have a great daughter who is going to achieve great things! ((She didn’t get there by herself you know,,,)) you just might have some of this Mom stuff figured out ?
Thanks Kasey!!! I think i just may!! 🙂
Mine are still little but I can see this being me in the future. They are only a year apart so I’m going to have to watch them go off back to back. Good luck momma!
It sounds like you’ve raised an amazing young woman and she’ll need you more than she realizes once she’s out of the house – promise 😉
-Clarissa @ The View From Here
Thank you!!!
As my oldest daughter is approaching becoming a teenager, I get really emotional at times. God gives us mothers “seasons” to enjoy. But some “seasons” are much harder. This post sounds like you have an amazing daughter, which means you are a great mother. Blessings
Thank you so much!!! Good luck to you as well!! 🙂
By knowing we are not alone. These fears and feelings are universal.
That helps Liz!! Thank you so much for reaching out!!
I guess I can admit , I am not the only child but I am the only daughter my mother had. So I am her baby and her only girl in a house of two boys. I am almost 25 years old .. well 24 now but in a few days I will be 25. She is still the doting mother and making sure everything goes alright. I know every single time , I admit what I want to do , which is military after college or becoming a police officer , she gets a little sacred. Since im her only girl. I dont think that feeling goes away with time .. if you are an only child or “child” in a sense . My mother though makes the best of it.
Thank you for sharing Bianca!!! I am an only child as well, so i can totally relate, and know my Mother went thru this very thing! Good luck on your future goals!! (My Husband and I are both Military Brats, and He is in the Reserves now) 🙂